Communication Matters

“Don’t demand that I should be equal to the best, but better than the worst. It’s enough for me if, every day, I reduce the number of my vices and correct my mistakes.” – Seneca
 
I try to live as stoically as possible, and I participate in an online Stoic community that engages me on so many levels.
 
Once a day, I open The Daily Stoic and read something (like the passage above) that makes me think, reflect and focus on an area for improvement.
 
It also makes for wonderful journaling prompts, helping me unpack things that are a little… shall we say, sticky!
 
Where did I go wrong?
What did I do right?
What did I leave undone?
What could I do better?
 
For me, when I look back on my mistakes, communication is a repeat offender!
 
Did I inadvertently offend someone?
Did I not ask for what I needed?
Was I condescending?
Did I ask enough (and the right) questions to get clarity?
 
Oh, the opportunities for improvement are endless!
 
So today, I’m sharing three communication tips that I’m reminding myself to practise. Perhaps one of them will be useful to you, too.
 
1. Ask before you launch.
Just because I’m ready for a conversation doesn’t mean the other person is.
“I’d like to talk with you for a few minutes about ______. When would be a good time?”
 
A little consideration and consent can go a long way toward making a conversation more productive.
 
2. Express yourself clearly (and kindly).
Rather than expecting people to read our minds, or getting frustrated when they don’t, try naming what happened, how you feel and what you need.
“When I saw the dishes in the sink, I felt irritated because I wanted to start cooking dinner. Could you please help me clear them so we can get ready for our company?”
 
Not an accusation. Not a guilt trip. Just a clear request.
 
3. Explain the WHY behind your request.
 
“Would you please open the window so we can get some fresh air in here?”
“May I please have a glass of water? I’m really thirsty.”
 
Sounds obvious, but psychologist Ellen Langer and her colleagues found that people were more likely to agree to a small request when it included a reason – even when that reason didn’t explain much of anything!
 
The effect wasn’t quite the same for bigger requests, but it’s a fascinating reminder that a little explanation can make a difference.
 
Lemme try and see if it works with you…
 
Would you please forward this enewsletter to a friend so that they will receive it?
 
And perhaps the best communication tip of all?
 
Listen more.
As a Professional Speaker, I’d do well to become a Professional Listener!
 
Not listening to respond, defend, fix or jump in with my own brilliant (ahem!) thoughts. Just listening to understand.
 
This week, I’m taking Seneca’s advice to heart and trying to “reduce the number of my vices and correct my mistakes.”
 
One conversation at a time.
 
Over to you! What’s one communication habit you’re working on improving?
 
Hit reply – I’m all ears (and practising using them)!   Steph : )
And…a random, super-easy recipe I love…