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Callum’s Cause: providing compassion and connection in a time of loss

Sep 23, 2017 | 10:20 AM

Parents experiencing the loss of a pregnancy often feel lost or helpless.

Callum’s Cause is looking to change that and aid in the grieving process.

Tiara-Lynn Adams, founder of Callum’s Cause, said after suffering a second-trimester pregnancy loss in May 2016, she was lost in a darkness and loneliness she describes as the worst of her life.

“One day we were expecting our third and what we thought would be our final baby, preparing his nursery, discussing names, and envisioning what our family would look like. The next, without any explanation or cause, our baby boy’s heart was no longer beating and we were forced to say goodbye before we ever got to say hello.”

Adams said their world was shattered. She felt “duped” and like she was to blame. She rose from that, however, and realized she would do better to share their story.

“The support and encouragement I received from my social media posts was overwhelming. But for every message of support that I read, I read one more from a mother who said they had never talked about their experience because they were ashamed, felt they were to blame, or too afraid.”

One mom shared her story with Adams, saying she had been inspired to name the baby girl she had lost years prior. “It was their stories that sparked my passion to help break the silence surrounding miscarriage and stillbirth.”

On October 1, 2016, the first day of International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, Adams created Callum’s Cause in the memory of their lost son, Callum Jay.

Callum’s Cause was designed to provide comfort, compassion and a sense of community to anyone following the loss of a pregnancy, a stillbirth or infancy loss.

Adams said by no way are they intending to replace support groups, but rather act as a stepping stone allowing women a place to find comfort and healing until they feel comfortable enough to attend a support group.

“Grief can be isolating and it’s common for women who have suffered a loss to shelter themselves from the outside world.”

She added that Callum’s Cause is a support that can be easily accessed through social media without fear of judgement, requirements, and with no timeline.

In the weeks following their family’s loss, Adams said they received beautiful gifts from baking and bath bombs to teas, a journal and even a star named for Callum.

“It was the thoughtfulness of all of these gifts, and the kind gesture of these comfort items that helped me to feel surrounded by love and support.”

From this, Adams found the inspiration for the baskets she provides to families experiencing a loss now. These packages contain items that Adams said helped soothe her own heart, and are items that grieving families can carry home with them and begin their road to healing.

“By simply receiving these packages, it tells these mothers that they are not alone.”

Some of the items included are teas, sweets, forget me not seeds, a candle to light in remembrance and multiple resources as well as prompts for journaling.

Further items are added by the nurses of emergency or Labour and Delivery staff as they are specific to each patient as provided by Alberta Health Services.

Adams said there remains this idea that pregnancy announcements shouldn’t be made before 12 weeks, and that a loss before 12 weeks isn’t significant. “I believe that every life, no matter what stage it ended, deserves to be honoured.”

Because of her experience and work as a nurse at the Red Deer Hospital, Adams has initiated a project in the emergency room to provide more information to the staff on the needs of a grieving mother experiencing a miscarriage or loss in the ER.

Most of the care packages are gifted through nurses in the ER or after contact from someone in Labour and Delivery both in Red Deer and other local hospitals.

Some packages are picked up by friends or family of those experiencing a loss, but Adams said if nobody is available she will deliver one to them upon request.

“Dear Angel Mother” is a new project designed to reach out to the mothers in our community during the first year of healing. This is under way and expected to begin soon with the help of volunteers who are bereaved mothers.

On October 15th, the second annual Wave of Light will take place at 7 p.m. This event honours lost babies and is an international event as well.

For more information visit Callum’s Cause or email callumscause@gmail.com.